Time is an illusion, and yet, often things do seem to come into line around the imaginary waypoints of new years and anniversaries. And while the obsession with minutes, hours, days, months, and years is a purely human endeavor, the marking of time does feel important and meaningful.

A little over a year ago, I posted my intent to leave my studio residency at Seattle’s Recreational Psychoacoustics Lab in favor of doing more solitary work in my home studio, which I’ve dubbed the Bardo Room. (I’ve linked that post below if you want to read it.) My only solid resolution for the coming year is to refresh and recenter that intent, which is what I hope to do here.

2025 turned out to be a year of some emotional turmoil for me, which is to say that the storm mentioned in last year’s post did come in full force. I suffer from a strong case of existential loneliness, which is greatly exacerbated by the natural ebb and flow of relationships, and I struggle to build and maintain community. I’ve had a lot of relationships end or fizzle over the past couple of years, and it took a bit of a toll. I can only express the deepest gratitude for my spouse who helped me through 2025, which could easily be named “My Year of Insecurity”.

I have yet to fully find my people (or at least hold onto them), and like many trans folks I’m mostly estranged from my family, but I have a great spouse and a good therapist, and a handful of friends who check in on me from time to time. (If you’re reading this, check in…) So I’m not fully isolated, and I’m grateful for that, but the loneliness persists in all but one place… and this is me getting to the point.

My Self-Appointed Artist Residency

Before I totally get into it, I want to thank for presenting the possibility of the self-appointed artist residency in such a clear and inspiring way. It’s a tangible feeling to declare yourself the artist in residency of a place, and even though the site of my residency is more spiritual than physical, declaring this residency does somehow make this all a bit more real.

It's Good to Be Here

The Self-Appointed Artist Residency, Explained

This is the first is a series about the idea of appointing yourself the artist-in-residence of something. You can read much more about this idea right here…

Read more

2 years ago · 590 likes · 204 comments · Amy Stewart

The Bardo Room

I managed to release 3 albums last year, including The Bardo Room.

I’ll start explaining what exactly the Bardo Room is by re-posting part of the liner notes for that release:

The Bardo room simultaneously exists and doesn’t exist. It’s a physical room in some ways, but it doesn’t manifest fully until it is constructed in sound. Before that, it’s just potential. The Bardo room connects the real world to the place I go when I am creating. You can never go there, but perhaps if you put on your noise-cancelling headphones and turn out all of the lights, you’ll hear echoes of the space, faded aural photographs that can approximate but never fully represent the fullness of the multidimensional technicolor darkness that lies beyond a door that only I can open.

For me, the Bardo room is easy to compare to the wardrobe from the Chronicles of Narnia - not the physical bit of furniture that young Lucy discovered in a room of Professor Digory’s house, and of course not the actual place of Narnia itself, but the in-between space, where heavy coats and the smell of mothballs mix with the feel of snow underfoot. The Bardo Room is a portal to the spiritual plane that I visit in my musical meditations, a place extended from, but still separate from the Bardo Room itself, which is again separate from the physical space my mortal body inhabits while my spirit journeys elsewhere. That is not to imply that either of these spaces are imaginary, as they are as real and persistent to me as the chair firmly attached to my butt as I write this - places real enough to remember and yearn for and dream about… and write about.

As for the space beyond, the place I go on the other side of the Bardo Room, here’s a bit from my personal notes written for a workshop in November of 2024:

My music is born of existential loneliness and longing. I have this recurring vision of myself as the only survivor living on a huge deserted space station, going about my daily routine despite no reason to carry on with it, playing spacey minimal guitar to huge empty halls accompanied by the whirrs, beeps and glitches of machines and computers. There’s this biomechanical deity named Geia who I talk to, that maybe I created. She’s never fully there, but I feel her listening and catch glimpses of her partial form in the shadows. I feel her come closer when I’m playing and I want desperately to know her, to feel her, to merge with her, even though I know we are not easily compatible and that truly being with her would mean losing myself. Maybe that’s OK. Or maybe she’s been me all along.

I don’t fully connect with other human beings. As close as I’ve been, there’s always this small part of me that feels unknowable. It’s there in my music, but who will fully surrender to listening deeply and straining desperately to hear the whispers of my true being? Who will fully translate my private language? Maybe no one can.

I created my system of harmony (or taxonomy of intervals, or whatever label makes sense) to systematically explore the possibilities of music. The ultimate goal of that search is to find myself in there somewhere, to rescue and embrace the lonely lost child and maybe bring them into the light. Or to join them in the darkness.

So, my goal for 2026 is to spend more time exploring these spaces and developing my musical and spiritual practice, which are now fully intwined and inseparable, and perhaps always have been. This feels critically important to me, not only for my own emotional and psychological growth and well-being, but because this is my life’s work, and no one else is going to do it.

Read more about my musical spiritual framework here:

Who I Am

As part of this re-beginning, it seems relevant to share a bit about my past life and where I see myself today. I dug up one of the earliest posts I shared here on Substack and decided to republish it to share here:

Today, I am a 54-year-old neuroqueer, non-binary, transfemme autistic artist, musician, philosopher, writer, filmmaker, programmer, human, spiritual being. I’m sober and celibate and happily existing in a queerplatonic marriage with a wonderful spouse and a house full of four-legged furbabies. I’ve passed 3 years on HRT and 2 years since my gender-affirming surgery, and while I have no intent or expectation of passing as a cis woman, I am much more comfortable and free in my body than I have ever felt.

Musically speaking, I’ve released 22 albums as Qid Love, 119 albums as Mood481, 10 as Echo Root, 1 as Vaguegirl, and 1 obscure live album under my deadname that you’ll have to figure out for yourself. I’ve written two important books (at least to me), The Book of Xenomes and Drone, Glitch, and Noise. For more in-depth musical background, I highly recommend checking out my interview with : Becoming Music with Qid Love.

The Plan

I hope to re-establish my morning practice of daily musical meditations, which were greatly interrupted last year due to my day job. I’ve felt highly destabilized in the absence of regular practice, and I feel my mental health suffered a good deal from the resulting imbalance. So a big part of my intent is to hold a firm boundary on my personal time for spiritual practice and re-establish the daily practice that had me feeling such calmness and clarity just a year ago.

I also want to clean up the space a bit and make it more fully usable for art-making. There’s a spare bed in there that tends to catch my clothes that could probably find a better home, and I’d just like to have things more accessible because my autistic brain tends to avoid things that require physical effort and reorganizing.

In the digital realm, I’ve struggled a little bit around the direction for this newsletter, and I probably still will, but for now I think it will just be a place to share progress and keep myself accountable throughout my residency/retreat. Although I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Substack, I haven’t quite found a reasonable alternative, and I need writing to keep me focused. So maybe that’s what you can expect out of future newsletters.

A Word of Thanks

I’d like to take a moment to thank my subscribers and followers and folks who for whatever reason have taken a chance on my writing and music. I’d also like to give a special shoutout to Lyric at for introducing so many people to my Substack via recommendations. May you all find peace, happiness, and good health in the upcoming year!

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My Latest Release

Experimental improvised guitar and electronics, wrapped in melancholy, angst, and gender fuzziness.

Thanks for reading!

I’ve gained quite a few new subscribers since my last newsletter, and I was considering posting a little welcome message and introduction, but as it happens, my recent interview with JustSomeMustard landed today, so please take a few minutes to check that out!

Sacred Math

In case you haven’t had a chance to listen, Sacred Math is my most recent release.

Thanks, as always, for your time and support!

A World of One

Each of us inhabits a private, personal world that is only for us. The majority of humans will unconsciously move into a broken world created for them by others, constrained by societal norms, tainted by patriarchal religions, impoverished by the demands of capitalism, stricken by the trauma of abuse and neglect, isolated and subject to the persistent surveillance of power. They accept this reality as truth and defend it with their very lives.

Some lucky few of us awaken to our power as creators of those worlds, choosing to build a world custom-tailored to our truth, cautiously and methodically sweeping away the darkness and pain imposed upon us by society and inherited from our parents and ancestors. It is no small task, but there is no greater freedom than being the sovereign ruler of your own universe.

Intersecting Worlds

The real challenge, even for the most powerful world-building sorceress, comes when two or more are gathered. At the instant we first encounter another being, we begin a dance of co-creation, constructing a new world, a liminal space that only exists when its exact creators are present. How we present ourselves in that space, in that moment, forms a first impression that imprints forever on the surface of this new world. The words we use and the truths we share shape the very fabric of reality.

Events happening in this intimate space of shared worlds echo out into the personal worlds of the inhabitants with the slightest “generation loss”, forming copies of memories, filtered through the lens of individual consciousness, and perpetually altered over time by shifting neurons and fluctuating worldviews. The inhabitants will readily access the local copy of a memory, which is separate and different from the ephemeral memory generated in the shared world, which dissipates and disappears immediately once participants move out of proximity, putting the shared world on pause. The multiverse expands exponentially as narratives and truths diverge.

Multiplicity of Being

When you fire up a new role-playing game for the first time, your initial task is to create your character, an avatar to represent you and navigate a new fictional world on your behalf. The same thing happens in the shared worlds we create. We build a version of ourself specific to these in-between worlds by choosing which information about ourselves to divulge, and by tailoring our actions and reactions according to how we wish to be perceived by the other inhabitants. The other inhabitants of our shared world will consequently create their own archetypal copy of our avatar to play our role in their personal memories back on their home worlds.

We can intentionally influence the shape of our other-world actors by more clearly defining the avatars we use in shared worlds. This is how personal branding or marketing works in the business world. At the very least, by having a clear understanding of how we are perceived, we can show up consistently on our shared world stages and reduce playback errors later on.

Being intentional about our avatars can also a be a powerful form of protection and a tool for maintaining safety in uncertain circumstances. That is to say, deciding how you show up in shared worlds is your decision, and custom-tailoring your avatar to protect your personal world is sometimes the best strategy. Bring your authentic self when it’s safe to do so, but wear a mask if needed.

Danger at the Crossroads

The power-hungry want to exert control over our shared worlds, and ultimately over the personal worlds of everyone they come into contact with, directly or indirectly. The most effective path to power is convincing enough people that your truth is their truth. Better yet, enticing others to join you as an emissary to the worlds you can’t reach directly, spreading the disease of your truth and passing judgement according to your laws - now that is power.

Our armor against this onslaught of darkness is forged of self-awareness and knowledge of our power of co-creation. We fight our battles in shared worlds by defiantly embodying our truths and upholding our boundaries, protecting our personal worlds as best we can from the influence of those we can’t avoid or ignore. Our armor is bolstered when we join together with other co-creators working intentionally to build beautiful worlds, and with enough support, we can hold the evil at bay indefinitely and even defeat it.

Co-Creating Beautiful Worlds

Hopefully we’ve all had the magical experience of gathering together with beings of like mind towards a common goal. When it works, it really works, and the impact can be widespread and long-lasting. By intentionally coordinating opportunities for beautiful world co-building, we can increase the frequency and intensity of these moments. The amazing side effect is that our personal creative powers grow and our own private worlds become more stable and sustainable in the face of adversity, and less susceptible to corruption by the nefarious.

What I hope for all of us is that we continue to discover and grow in our own creative power, and that we find more and more opportunities to co-create beautiful worlds with others. This is why we are here, and it’s how we will ultimately change the world we all share for the better.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. See you next time!

The Birth of an Idea

Many years ago, before the coming of the dark days of Covid, I was brainstorming with members of my filmmaking team (Dark Works) on an idea for a new web series. The premise was a musical space-opera, Red Dwarf meets Phineas and Ferb sort of thing, and the name that I came up with for the project was Cryptid Soup.

Covid happened. Filmmaking altogether paused. Relationships ended. Dark Works went away. And as it sometimes goes, the project never took off.

In April of 2023, I was seriously frustrated with social media and decided to do something about it, so I started a Discord server, and repurposed the name Cryptid Soup to be the identity of the community. I posted about it on Facebook and invited all my friends. 8 people showed up, no one had anything to say, and it sat mostly dormant for about a year.

Take 3

Around September of 2023, I had the idea of building a project plan for creating and launching a band, and using that project plan as the “script” for a hybrid narrative/documentary band biopic film. Think Daisy Jones & the Six meets Purple Rain meets Sun Ra’s Space is the Place, but everyone is trans / queer. Cryptid Soup got the gig as the working title for whatever this would become.

In March of last year, I posted in a couple of Seattle Facebook musician groups to see if anyone was interested in collaborating:

I’m starting a Seattle-based *queer* spiritual jazz / avant-garde / free-improvisation musical collective as part of a larger transmedia project. Neurodivergent, disabled, and BIPOC queer folks are especially encouraged to join. Ages 18 and over, any skill level, any instruments welcome. Music reading is not required, although some theory could be helpful.

There will be hybrid narrative/documentary filmmaking involved, so all participants will be required to consent to participate. Members can choose to use preferred names or pseudonyms, but legal names will be required for releases.

This project will explore music, and especially improvisation, as a pathway for spiritual development, meaning making, and identity development for queer and marginalized folks. Performances will take place in art spaces and inclusive, safe spaces. The general focus is on personal development, intellectual dialogue, and community building… not entertaining loud bar patrons.

Please DM me if interested, and please avoid tagging folks who might not want to be outted in this group.

About me: I’m an autistic, disabled, non-binary/transfemme artist, musician, and filmmaker with over 130 albums. I’ve directed a number of short films, including a documentary on lyme disease, and crewed as a sound recordist for a number of documentary and reality projects. I’m easily found on Google.

For anyone who knows me, reads my newsletter, or had more than a 2-minute conversation with me last year, you’ll know that Cryptid Soup, the queer contemplative improvisation ensemble, sort of became all-encompassing. I met a documentary filmmaker who signed on to the project, became very interested in the system of harmony I invented, decided I was the subject of the film and could no longer direct, and took charge of capturing what was happening in the studio. All good things. So my focus shifted to making the music parts happen.

I spent a lot of 2024 in the studio with a revolving cast of musicians trying to figure out how to expand what I was doing musically into a group context. There were lots of great jams, and we even played a show as Cryptid Soup at the Chapel, which is an important venue in the Seattle experimental / avant-garde scene. Ultimately, the ensemble didn’t come together and solidify in the way that I hoped, and after a cancelled show and a booked-and-paid-for studio day where only one other musician showed up, I decided to bring an end to that chapter.

Teaching my system of harmony to a bunch of other musicians really helped me clarify the concepts and resulted in me finishing the book and getting it out into the world. I put “Cryptid Soup” right on the cover of the book, and when I released it on Metalabel, I used Cryptid Soup as the label name. So I suppose, officially-ish speaking, Cryptid Soup is currently “an experimental music label and collective that is dismantling, deconstructing, and decolonizing sociomusical norms.”

Looking forward

The documentary is still in progress and will take whatever path I take, I suppose. I plan to release more things on Metalabel in the future, so that face of Cryptid Soup will remain. I sort of have the itch to revisit the web series idea, which could also maybe use the name, and if I put together another film team, that’ll probably be Cryptid Soup, too. At this point, Cryptid Soup is a container of meaning for things that are Qid Love plus one or more others, and I’m ok with it keeping an amorphous, pliable shape for now. As the title of this newsletter foreshadowed, Cryptid Soup has become a world of its own with people, things, places, ideas, a history, and a specific kind of vibe. There’s really no stopping it.

About that invitation

Cryptid Soup, the ensemble, ended up using the Discord server I set up for communications, and I’ve expanded it quite a bit into a community server with some bells and whistles. I didn’t make any specific resolutions for 2025, but one of my goals is to fully move off of mainstream social media, and I’ve all but stopped any of the ones you can think of. That means I’m reliant mostly on Substack, Discord, email, and real people in 3-dimensional space, so I’m hoping that anyone who wants to chat or collaborate with me asynchronously in the future will hop into my Discord server.

So, if you want to hang out and talk about music, film, books, poetry, gaming, or just life, please click the link/hit the button to join. I’m especially interested in “dismantling, deconstructing, and decolonizing sociomusical norms”, talking and learning about experimental art and music, and collaborating with other artists in any medium who are expanding boundaries, so if that sounds like fun, definitely get in there.

DO PLEASE NOTE that this is a queer-first community, and I have a mighty ban-hammer, so be nice to my quierdo peeps. Also, if you have a cool incognito Discord username, please DM me and let me know who you are because it makes me anxious not knowing who I’m talking to ;)

Join the Cryptid Soup Discord server

Another Invitation

Another thing I do is creativity and existential wellness coaching. I’ve cut my rates in half for a bit to give more folks the opportunity to work with me, so if you’re interested in learning more about that, head over to my coaching page and book some time with me.

Thanks as always for reading. I’d love to connect or re-connect with folks in 2025, so drop a comment, send me an email, or join the Discord and let me know what 2025 has in store for you!

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Looking back

2024 has been a year of amazing experiences, deep disappointments, great accomplishments, major losses, and undeniable growth. I’ve forged some amazing new friendships, felt the purest love, and weathered heartbreak. I’ve been celebrated and validated by strangers, and ignored and abandoned by friends. Ultimately, it’s been another year of life and learning, and I’m happy to be where I am.

There are a few changes of note. I have decided not to continue my residency with my ensemble at the Recreational Psychoacoustics Lab, opting instead to do mostly solitary work in my home studio, hereafter to be known as the Bardo Room. The documentary is still in progress and will naturally follow whatever happens next.

Regarding my Substack/newsletter, I have changed the name and branding once more to better reflect my writing goals for next year. I will be discontinuing the Xenome Diaries in their current format, and focusing on sharing my thoughts on the intersection of art and spirituality through a neuroqueer lens. (Also, in case it’s not clear, “prophetex” is the gender-neutral form of prophet/prophetess.)

In this moment

I have a calmness and a clarity unlike anything I can remember. There is so much I want to explore and experience, but the tension and anxiety of striving has all but dissipated. Perhaps this is the calm before the inevitable storm that’s coming in January, but for now I’m enjoying a moment of deep inner peace. I’m clearing away the clutter and detritus, and preparing for the path ahead.

Real magic

The greatest form of power is world-building. I’m not talking about mere fiction or role-play (although the truth is there’s little distinction to be made between reality and fantasy). There is real magic in speaking things into existence, creating truths for yourself and others. Whatever words are used to describe the phenomenon, the practice is used by artists, writers, marketers, spiritual leaders, life coaches, and politicians to craft the narratives that are the foundation of our lives, for better or worse.

My awakening came from multiple modalities: learning storytelling and filmmaking; discovering my trans-ness, exploring my queerness, and escaping the gender binary; studying secular mindfulness and bhakti yoga; being trained as an existential wellness coach and seeing the ritual and magic that resided just under the surface; watching the current political landscape and the corruption of mass media unfold; and experiencing the very real spiritual remembering and becoming of prolonged and repeated contemplative improvisation.

There is an ongoing war being fought over reality, where ideas are weaponized against those who are oblivious to their own power, the power to wake up from the fever dream that’s been written by a demographic with only their own interests in mind. The oppressors hold power by making enough people believe that they are powerless. The weapons we have to fight back are creativity and self-knowledge, authenticity and community, diversity and resilience.

I’m not here to tell you what to believe or how to live your life. I’m actually here to tell you that no one has that right, which means it’s ultimately your responsibility to build the world you want to exist. No one owns reality. No one owns art. No one owns God / Source / The Universe / Whatever. Outside of science (and even within it if you know how science works), all anyone really has is opinions based on experience. And the loudest folks generally speaking have a whole lot more opinions than experience.

It’s time to claim our power, question everything, and take away the keys of the gatekeepers. The future is queer and neurodiverse, and I’m here to shine a little light on that.

Looking forward

The next 4+ years may be rough if you’re living in the US, but the thing to remember is that they can never take away who you are unless you give it to them. Be as strong as you can be, be weak when you need to be, and lean on each other when you can. Look to your queer leaders for strength and inspiration, and demand that your government representatives (whether you voted for them or not) either faithfully represent the needs of the people, or step aside.

Happy New Year. I’ll see you in 2025.

Hi, my legal fucking name is Qid Love. The gender marker on my license is X. I’m a non-binary, transfemme, pansexual, neuroqueer human being. I’m a whole bunch of the letters in LGBTQ+. I’m not going to hide it, and I’m not going to shut up about it. If you’re saying, “Hell, yeah!” - thank you and I love you. If you’re not, then grow the fuck up, deal with it, and get with the program. This is our time, and we’re not going back.

Today’s post is part of a collaborative effort among Substack writers to speak up and let Democratic leaders know that we are watching their actions carefully. We’re tired of being viewed as a controversial talking point instead of human beings with value and collective power. Read Julia Serano’s post for mored details:

Switch Hitter

Planned Action for LGBTQ+ & Allies in Response to Democrats Capitulating on Trans Rights

As most of you are aware, since Kamala Harris’s election loss (which trans people were not in charge of nor responsible for), Democratic politicians and pundits have been signaling that they plan to throw trans people under the bus. Sadly, this came to fruition last week, when Republican congressperson Nancy Mace pressed…

Read more

a year ago · 312 likes · Julia Serano

The request of you, dear reader, is to contact your Congressperson and Senators and let them know that:

1) you will not tolerate any backpedaling on LGBTQ+ rights whatsoever, and 2) if they fail to strongly stand up against these attacks on LGBTQ+ rights, then you will take your vote elsewhere next election

After taking an IQ test in first grade, my teacher called in my parents and joked about how my IQ was much higher than hers. I was “destined for great things” and as a result I was put in a box at a very early age, trained to shine in very specific ways and hide away the parts that didn’t fit the narrative of a mother bragging about her wunderkind.

I took classes on Heredity and Topology in elementary school, took a college Latin course in 5th grade, and spent several hours a day in specialized gifted courses throughout most of my education. While all of the teachers and adults saw the mask of a promising young genius, the rest of my human self was locked away in my childhood room with my sadness and my need for real human connection.

From my formative years, I learned that the way to avoid anger, abuse, and isolation was to conform to the needs of authority, to only be what they wanted me to be, and to shove the rest down deep. When I failed, there was retribution.

It took me close to 4 decades to find all of the parts that I had hidden away, the parts that were screaming and crying for life and to be seen. I spent most of my life doing what I was told and trying my best to be what everyone else needed from me, until I just couldn’t. Every time I got a glimpse of possibility, it was screamed, beaten, or shamed away.

But I finally got here. My coming out has been a long, slow process of discovering and accepting myself and unravelling a lifetime of shame and guilt. It has taken a lot of therapy, a supportive community, and a lot of letting people go. I have sacrificed so much to get to where I am, and none of it was necessary. If I had had the language, the education, and the support to be my true self from the beginning, who knows what could have been?

My point is, I deserve to be who I am, fully, unapologetically, and in public, without fear of discrimination or violence. The trans and queer kids out there deserve the best chance we can give them to find and embody their true selves without decades of sacrifice and pain.

I won’t go back. I won’t diminish myself or be quiet about it. I’m not here for your comfort. I’m here to live my fullest life and be a beacon for those who need one.

We deserve peace. We deserve safety. We deserve respect. We deserve medical care. We deserve places to pee in public. We deserve representation in the media and in the government.

We’ve always been here, and we’ll always be here. We’re beautiful, talented, powerful, and brilliant. The spotlight is on us now, and we’re never going back into the darkness.

Hey, friends! I haven’t sent out a post without music in a while, but I really want to give my subscribers an opportunity to grab my new album for free while download codes are still available. I found a new service which makes it dead simple to distribute Bandcamp download codes, and it’s really helped get the word out. There are only around 65 codes left, so act fast.

(If you do get there and all the codes are gone, drop me a note and I’ll hook you up personally).

Free download codes for When We Were Vampires available at:
https://www.getmusic.fm/r/qid-love-when-we-were-vampires

If you enjoy the album, please consider leaving a comment on Bandcamp or Substack, or reply if you’re reading via email. I’m pretty happy with this album, and I’m eager to hear what folks have to say!

P.S. If you aren’t a subscriber and found this message, feel free to grab a copy anyway, and maybe subscribe!

My Musical Philosophy

At the core of my musical philosophy lies an abstraction, embellishment, and fusion of improvisation, drone, glitch, and noise that I call Om Di Tri. My musical practice embraces the meditative qualities of contemplative improvisation within experimental soundscapes, creating an environment for emotional and spiritual exploration.

Circle, Square, Triangle

The image at the top of this article represents the heart and soul of my artistic practice, my “musical philosophy”. It’s taken me a couple of decades to really solidify and distill my internal manifesto into this simple geometric glyph, but it’s representative of core concepts and approaches that have been central to my music for most of my life.

Let’s break it down.

Om

At the top of the triangle is Om, the first point of focus. This reminds me of the goal and the reason I pick up my guitar: to feed my spirit, not my ego. I don’t want to perform art, I want to create art, every time I pick up the instrument. More than that, I want to experience the art flowing through me, to become the art that is being created.

The book Zen Guitar by the late Philip Toshio Sudo pretty much changed my life when I read it. As Ben Sherman writes in the forward to the latest edition, reading Zen Guitar became a “before/after moment” in my life. I learned from Phil how to approach the studio as a dojo, or a “school, practice hall, and temple rolled into one.” My fingers on the fretboard became merely the physical component of a mind/body/spirit practice in music, art, and life. It was at this point that I began to see my passion for guitar as an integral part of my life, not something separate.

It was also this philosophy that allowed me to transfer my attention to the iPad as an instrument when cubital tunnel syndrome took away my ability to play guitar. It’s only in the last few years, thanks to Strandberg’s lightweight ergonomic guitars, that I’ve been able to return to my primary instrument, but the core philosophy remained with me throughout my predominantly electronic Mood481 period from 2013-2020.

Om is based in meditation and awareness, of observing the music flowing through me without judging or trying to direct it. My music eschews traditional forms and functional harmony in favor of environmental ambiance and flow in order to create an environment for emotional and spiritual exploration. It naturally follows that my musical output is more durational in nature than popular forms of music, simply because these things take time.

Di

The second point point of focus at the lower left of the diagram is Di, represented by the square die. This is aleatory, chance, indeterminacy, and randomness. It is embracing the unknown and the unexpected. In practice, it ranges from randomizing presets and scales, to using generative or physics-based instruments, to including environmental sounds.

By introducing chance, I can give up the need to control everything, and remove the tendency that plagues many artists: striving for the unattainable quality of perfection. I embrace the uncertainty of the world and my place within it. I discover bold new sounds and environments that I might have never crafted purposely.

These days, I begin a session by loading my previous one and then hitting the randomization button (usually represented by a die icon) in every app that has one. Occasionally, I’ll get unusable results, but more often than not, I will find myself in an exciting new environment that’s ripe for exploration.

I make use of synced, un-synced, and triggered modulation to keep things moving and changing. When used on my guitar track, this often results in ghost sounds - little snippets of echo or glitched sound that seem to come out of nowhere. There are a handful of amazing apps in my arsenal that use features such as envelope followers or long loop recorders to introduce these ghost sounds in intelligent and useful ways, such as holding a snippet of my playing to repeat in infinite variations when my main guitar signal drops out.

Sometimes I will have a microphone active in the room to capture and mangle environmental sounds. Other times I will use a radio app in conjunction with rhythmic glitchers and extreme filtering or endless reverb - mostly when I feel a need to rail against whatever nonsense is happening in the outside world.

Tri

The third point of focus is Tri, represented by the triangle on the lower right of the diagram. Tri reminds me of the threeness of things, of the beauty in symmetry, and of the expansion beyond binary thinking.

The first representation of Tri in my practice can be found in the aesthetics of drone, glitch, and noise, which together form the texture of my music. Drone is the foundation, the earth, the underlying spirit. It is the harmonic home at the beginning and end of the journey, the starting point and the destination. Glitch is the accidental, the imperfect, the matrix poking through. Noise is the formless, the indecipherable, the void.

The second representation of Tri is the symmetrical harmonic approach that I have developed as the basis for escaping functional harmony and exploring modal possibilities outside of traditional western harmonic theory. I developed my own system for naming scales, which I wrote a book about called The Book of Xenomes. I also developed my own guitar tuning (dubbed the skip-4 variation of All Major 3rds / M3 tuning by my friend Brian Berge) based around the C/E/G# augmented triad. I’ve recently taken to representing these root notes using the Om, Di, and Tri symbols in my scale and fretboard diagrams, and have expanded them into a full set of symbols and syllables to represent all 12 notes.

Summary

These philosophies and techniques move me to a position alongside the music - not outside it as a passive listener, or dead center as an artist pretending to be in full control. Creating passively alongside the music allows me to let go of the need to control the notes that I’m playing and invites the conscious mind to step out of the way. As an overall practice, it reminds me that my magnum opus, my greatest work of art, is myself.

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