LGBTQ+ People Are Not Going Back

On hiding the best parts

Hi, my legal fucking name is Qid Love. The gender marker on my license is X. I’m a non-binary, transfemme, pansexual, neuroqueer human being. I’m a whole bunch of the letters in LGBTQ+. I’m not going to hide it, and I’m not going to shut up about it. If you’re saying, “Hell, yeah!” - thank you and I love you. If you’re not, then grow the fuck up, deal with it, and get with the program. This is our time, and we’re not going back.

Today’s post is part of a collaborative effort among Substack writers to speak up and let Democratic leaders know that we are watching their actions carefully. We’re tired of being viewed as a controversial talking point instead of human beings with value and collective power. Read Julia Serano’s post for mored details:

Planned Action for LGBTQ+ & Allies in Response to Democrats Capitulating on Trans Rights

The request of you, dear reader, is to contact your Congressperson and Senators and let them know that:

1) you will not tolerate any backpedaling on LGBTQ+ rights whatsoever, and 2) if they fail to strongly stand up against these attacks on LGBTQ+ rights, then you will take your vote elsewhere next election

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After taking an IQ test in first grade, my teacher called in my parents and joked about how my IQ was much higher than hers. I was “destined for great things” and as a result I was put in a box at a very early age, trained to shine in very specific ways and hide away the parts that didn’t fit the narrative of a mother bragging about her wunderkind.

I took classes on Heredity and Topology in elementary school, took a college Latin course in 5th grade, and spent several hours a day in specialized gifted courses throughout most of my education. While all of the teachers and adults saw the mask of a promising young genius, the rest of my human self was locked away in my childhood room with my sadness and my need for real human connection.

From my formative years, I learned that the way to avoid anger, abuse, and isolation was to conform to the needs of authority, to only be what they wanted me to be, and to shove the rest down deep. When I failed, there was retribution.

It took me close to 4 decades to find all of the parts that I had hidden away, the parts that were screaming and crying for life and to be seen. I spent most of my life doing what I was told and trying my best to be what everyone else needed from me, until I just couldn’t. Every time I got a glimpse of possibility, it was screamed, beaten, or shamed away.

But I finally got here. My coming out has been a long, slow process of discovering and accepting myself and unravelling a lifetime of shame and guilt. It has taken a lot of therapy, a supportive community, and a lot of letting people go. I have sacrificed so much to get to where I am, and none of it was necessary. If I had had the language, the education, and the support to be my true self from the beginning, who knows what could have been?

My point is, I deserve to be who I am, fully, unapologetically, and in public, without fear of discrimination or violence. The trans and queer kids out there deserve the best chance we can give them to find and embody their true selves without decades of sacrifice and pain.

I won’t go back. I won’t diminish myself or be quiet about it. I’m not here for your comfort. I’m here to live my fullest life and be a beacon for those who need one.

We deserve peace. We deserve safety. We deserve respect. We deserve medical care. We deserve places to pee in public. We deserve representation in the media and in the government.

We’ve always been here, and we’ll always be here. We’re beautiful, talented, powerful, and brilliant. The spotlight is on us now, and we’re never going back into the darkness.